


MUSHROOMS

by TheWeirdOnes



Series: Rants- Yeah, That's The whole Thing [2]
Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humour, Mushrooms, Saruman rants about mushrooms, don't give the author chocolate, don't take anything seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdOnes/pseuds/TheWeirdOnes
Summary: Saruman rants about mushrooms, also gives a little backstory on why he hates them so much.Also contains explanations for the elven songs in the last homely house seen in The Hobbit, enjoy!-LowFlyingOctopus
Series: Rants- Yeah, That's The whole Thing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024729
Kudos: 7





	MUSHROOMS

"Would anyone like a mushroom?" Radagast asked, holding one out with an eyebrow raised. Who knows where he got it from. It is simply unbecoming for one of the Istari to snack on them as excessively as Radagast does; a disgusting habit. "Radagast," I said firmly, for we'd had this conversation before; "mushrooms are not the proper thing for one of our order to be consuming; they will _addle_ your mind!" I turn back to my conversation with Gandalf, expecting the discussion to end right then. However, I spotted Radagast from the corner of my eye pop the mushroom into his mouth! Disgraceful! To make matters even worse Gandalf _winked_ at him! Honestly, why I put up with these two is beyond me. When it is not one it is usually the other. I, by now thoroughly 'beyond it '- as those young elven twins are fond of saying, though beyond what I do not know - stood up, which surprised my companions who ceased their winking exchange and looked up at me.

"I am simply **_fed up_** of all this **_nonsense_** about mushrooms!" I announced strictly. "This _**utter idiocy**_ must stop! It is not _becoming_ , _dignified_ nor _intelligent_ for one of the Istari to ** _stoop_** to eating mushrooms!" 

"Not intelligent?" Questioned Gandalf. "Whyever not?"

"It is simply a well known fact that mushrooms **_addle your mind_** and **_decrease_** the overall intelligence of a usually well-mannered being to almost nil!" I answered hotly.

At this point Radagast chuckled and ate another mushroom, this one I am sure he had kept under his wide hat. Attempting not to grimace I added animatedly, "I _**do not**_ like mushrooms, they are _**dangerous**_ and quite frankly the very sight of them makes me feel **_queezy_**!"

At this Gandalf turned to me, an amused expression on his face; I sighed inwardly. I knew his thoughts, and he knew that I knew; we were together remembering that time in the valley of Imladris, when the young twin sons of Elrond had decided to try a certain type of mushroom; little did anyone know that the type of mushroom which Elladan and Elrohir had selected has adverse effects on the mental capabilities of elves and soon the entire elven valley had been filled with nonsense songs and lively dances; and so it is still. The whole debacle quite ruined my appetite, and I have not tried a mushroom since.

"Well then," said Radagast, finally swallowing the last of his mushrooms, "would anyone like a freshly roasted hazelnut?" 

I bit my tongue and reminded myself that screaming was not an appropriate way to deal with irritating colleagues.


End file.
